Comments on: Good Friend, Bad Friend? Make Your Friendships Blossom

By: Judy

Judy — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 13:31:57 +0000

Martha, I re-read this post today, and the light bulb finally went on! My mother has exhibited some narcissistic traits in our relationship for years, but she doesn’t seem to do it with other people. Now I’m realizing that her family has a pattern of children being echoes, while parents are the narcissists. I didn’t step into my supposed role when I became a young adult, and there’s been hell to pay ever since.

This “ah-ha!” comes at the perfect time: she has been recently diagnosed with metastasized cancer, and I want to focus on healing our relationship. This insight will help me as I venture into some really uncomfortable territory. Thank you!

By: Jean Popovich

Jean Popovich — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 14:25:51 +0000

Hi Martha,
I started listening to your books when I was thinking of divorcing my husband. Well, I’d been thinking about it for a while but we had just had our second baby and our son was only 2yrs. We’d just filed for bankruptcy, lost out house, moved in with my parents. He was determined to continue our flute repair business and wouldn’t watch the children so i could work.
After much curfuddle and a failed move to Europe and back,
I made the bold move to get my old job back and my Hubby would stay home, make music, repair instruments and take care of the then 2 yr and 4 yr old.
Working full time, coming home to work full time with the kids and teaching yoga on the weekends, my ex decided he needed a psycological break. The constant critizm about not being humble enough, attractive enough, feminine enough broke me. When i heard your chapter on the Dark Triad I broke down in tears. It really hit home. He and I started counselling, then divorce mediation but finally i just had to file myself.
Oddly enough, the day I gave my lawyer the go ahead I opened the advice collum of the Globe and there was my answer – a women asking about the fate of her children after divorce – signed, Divorcing the Narcissist.
One year later, I am so happy, the children are happy and my ex is 3000 miles away on the west coast.
Thank you so much for helping me give a name to my difficulty and supporting my spirit so I could do what was necessary.
In gratitude,
Jean P.

By: Links for Penny Pinchers, Trailing Spouses

Links for Penny Pinchers, Trailing Spouses — Sat, 06 Oct 2012 12:02:12 +0000

[...] You’ll feel better if you view everything as a privilege, and keep your expectations low.Good Friend, Bad Friend? Make Your Friendships Blossom- I write frequently about making friends, because it’s so much tougher when you move [...]

By: Vera

Vera — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 16:08:17 +0000

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful insights!! You have helped me grow in so many areas of my life and through many traumatic events.

I just love how I can be struggling with an issue and the right article shows up and it’s always presented in a clear, easy to understand (and often very funny) manner!

Thank you!!
V

By: Life Lessons: Friendship « The Home Team Blog

Life Lessons: Friendship « The Home Team Blog — Fri, 28 Sep 2012 14:32:51 +0000

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By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 14:09:16 +0000

I love that you put words around this dynamic I’ve often wondered about where I fall. I’ve moved twice in recent years and it’s been tricky to create new friendships. I think in the past I settled for all kinds of dynamics and have been on both side of naiad dyads?? Now I only want to invest in fluid & balanced friendships. There are not as many opportunities, but the rare connections are so worth it

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 12:44:19 +0000

So now I have another name for my relationship with my mother, the echo that I was as I have changed my role with her and have limited it. I now have words for a former friendship that abruptly ended when I mirrored back a negative quality of my narciccistc friend’s excessive frequent drinking and the boom was lowered. I did know that it wasn’t about me, but can see how I “echoed” just to be friends with her.

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 09:21:35 +0000

Martha, you are so spot on! I have left all my (I think… I will have to do a little stock check now) narcissistic friendships behind. After my baby died, it was interesting to see how my values of what is required in a friendship, ie. give and take, changed. Sometimes I do look back a little nostalgically and feel sorry about the loss of these friendships. But never for long! I am not sure if it is mentioned in one of your books, but ‘friendship is like an elevator’. As you move up the floors, some get out, making room for new, lovely ones to step in!

By: wendy

wendy — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 01:55:50 +0000

really interesting timing for me, too, as this topic has been on my mind while i consider the quality of friendships in my life. it seems harder and harder to form real friendships as i get older, and the basis for them seems to be so superficial and arbitrary (do you have a daughter the same age as mine??). how to shift and deepen them…or search for new, deeper ones…or both…that is the mission now!

By: Shannon

Shannon — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:47:55 +0000

Loved this post, very timely. will be sharing with others. I have had conversations about friendships a lot lately with friends and clients. thank you.