Creating Your Right Life

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Category Archives: Lame Animal Totems


Lame Animal Totem: Hamster

Few hamster owners realize that their pets carry the powerful energy of intense passion and artistic aspiration that for some reason always ends up being considered amusing and adorable. If you doubt Hamster’s depth, please click this link to observe the moving death throes acted out by these talented little nuggets of cuteness. If you - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: Pacu

Take a look at your teeth. If they resemble those of the pacu fish, pictured here, the pacu just might be your animal totem! The pacu played a starring role in an episode of River Monsters, a television program featuring intrepid angler Jeremy Wade. The aptly-named-Wade went right into bodies of water in Papua New - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: Hagfish

Hagfish, also called “slime eels,” are similar to (follow closely, here) extremely slimy eels. Some experts call them “a degenerate type of vertebrate-fish” because they have skulls but no vertebrae. Others just avoid them.   In addition to its degeneracy, Hagfish energy is spineless, squishy, slithery, and rank. If Hagfish is your totem, don’t assume - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: T Rex

You may think that a huge carnivorous dinosaur would be a good animal totem. It’s so strong and sassy and rambunctious. But in truth, T-Rex energy is the ultimate inner lizard, the totem of fight-or-flight reactions so severe they’ll cause you to burn down your house because there’s a spider in the basement. As you - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: The Lemming

Our animal totem for this month, the Lemming, is a cute little thing—perhaps too cute for its own good. Lemmings reproduce in such numbers that every four years or so, their population density becomes so extreme that they all flee to the suburbs—which is problematic because they have no cities. When they encounter a body - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: The Roundish Flatworm

The roundish flatworm is the hypothetical earliest animal ever to have developed bilateral symmetry. Its proper name, “urbilaterian,” is just its way of trying to sound important. Roundish flatworms are profoundly unevolved. They carry the energy of unintentional rudeness, deep insensitivity, and naïve indifference to suffering. If the roundish flatworm is your totem, then like - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: “Dog Vomit” Slime Mold

Just when you thought no creature could have a name worse than “oak titmouse,” behold: the “Dog Vomit” Slime Mold. Which is an actual thing. (Right? I know!) Anyway, slime mold behaves like a bunch of isolated, single-celled organisms until the cells suddenly decide to cohere and act like a single creature, creating polyps and - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: The Oak Titmouse

Oak Titmouse is a small bird the color of dry bark, with black eyes and a jaunty little crest. Unfortunately, its name was chosen by middle-school boys high on cough syrup, and made official by sex-starved geek biologists. Now the Oak Titmouse is stuck with a label no one can get past. If Oak Titmouse flutters - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: The Clam

Clam energy is exuberant, witty, wise, hilarious, and brilliant, but no one ever realizes this, because Clam keeps it all inside, out of fear that someone will steal its intellectual property. When Clam maneuvers its way into the bouillabaisse of your life, play your cards close to your vest. Closer! CLOSER! No one must know - Continue Reading


Lame Animal Totem: The Tick

You never know when Tick will enter your life, so undress carefully and check all your crevices as soon as possible after reading this. When Tick does crawl up your pant leg and into your life, rest assured that this totem animal will help you take advantage of others while inspiring revulsion in all you - Continue Reading