Lame Animal Totem: Skunked Dog

BJORN

This month’s lame animal totem is the Skunked Dog.  This is a unique animal, a phenomenon that occurs when two ordinary totems, Skunk and Dog, meet and form an altogether different spirit animal. The Skunked Dog represents flagrantly self-destructive stupidity, intrusiveness, and the inability to imagine the consequences of reckless behavior. Its energy is morose, whiny, unrepentant, and disgusting. 
 
When a Skunked Dog enters your life, it is a sign that you should close all your doors and windows. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. CLOSE THE DOORS AND WINDOWS. The aroma of the Skunked Dog will pervade any area that is not immediately sealed, preferably by a federally qualified hazmat team. If the Skunked Dog is your spirit animal, you have definitely been doing something you were advised against. You can expect to find yourself washed vigorously 73 times, sprayed with two full cans of aerosol deodorant, and exiled to the screened porches of your loved ones’ lives. And it will be your own damn fault.

The model for this month’s lame animal totem is none other than my beloved and recently skunked canine, Bjorn. ~Martha

Lame Animal Totem: Chicken

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Chicken energy comes to teach you how to scratch more, obsess about your position in social hierarchies, fight for dirt-encrusted corn kernels, and die young. If you encounter Chicken in your daily life, you should probably be taking growth hormones. Then Chicken will teach you to fight for dominance when alarmed, and spend the rest of your time brooding. People whose totem is the Chicken should expect to have their creations stolen from them on a regular basis.


Periodically I’ll be sharing the animal totems you wish you knew more about: the marginalized, the disrespected, nay I say, the lame. You’ll learn the illuminating messages they hold for you. You’re welcome. ~Martha

Lame Animal Totem: Possum

Having just returned from another amazing African STAR (Self Transformation Adventure Retreat), filled with magical people and astonishing animal encounters, I’m even more obsessed with non-human creatures than usual.

Anyway, I’m getting a bit confused by the number of different of meanings various sources associate with a given animal. Do bats really represent the ability to navigate in the dark, or is that a toad attribute? Does the lizard outside my window mean I need to relax in the sun or be more compassionate?
 
Furthermore, it seems odd to me that no negative qualities are ever associated with any animal. I mean, really—malaria mosquitoes? Plague rats? Let’s face it: there’s some messed up animal juju floating around out there. So periodically in this newsletter and on my FB page, I’ll be sharing the animal totems you wish you knew more about: the marginalized, the disrespected, nay I say, the lame. You’ll learn the illuminating messages they hold for you. You’re welcome.


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Possum is the embodiment of emotional paralysis and questionable personal hygiene. Possum extends her prehensile tail into your awareness when you just can’t muster the energy to work, relate to loved ones, or bathe. Possum energy is inert, scrofulous, smelly, and unwilling.

The message of the possum is that it’s time for you to focus deeply on everything you have been procrastinating about and everyone you have failed.

When under stress, use the energy of possum to help you breathe shallowly, keep all your muscles rigid, and pray to sweet baby Jesus that it all just goes away.