The Change Cycle

Square one: Death and Rebirth

When you’re hit with a “catalytic event”—the shift that means life can’t continue as it was—you move into Square One, which Martha describes as the square of death and rebirth.

Square One is the scariest phase of the Cycle, mostly because we aren’t taught to expect it. Our old identity has to dissolve, which leaves us temporarily formless. Martha’s nickname for this phase is “bug soup.”

You may feel that everything is falling apart, that you’re uncertain of your future, that you’re losing everyone and everything. Dissolving feels like death, because it is: You’re experiencing the demise of the person you’ve been.

Dissolving is HARD. We might get hysterical, fight our feelings, or try to recapture our former lives—but these responses only make Square One more painful.

Here’s a strategy you can try instead:

• Live one day (or ten minutes) at a time. Instead of dwelling on hopes and fears about an unknowable future, focus your attention on whatever is happening right now.

For more on Square One, including additional strategies to support you while you’re in “bug soup,” download our free Change Cycle guide. You can also listen to Martha’s take on Square One in her Bewildered podcast episode: Bug Soup.

RELATED PODCAST: BUG SOUP

Square Two: Dreaming and Scheming

Square Two is the square of dreaming and scheming, where we start to catch glimpses of what we are becoming.

The “bug soup” dissolution process is coming to an end now, and your psyche is starting to offer gentle little instructions about who you’re transforming into and how to step into this new identity.

Here’s a good rule of thumb for navigating Square Two:

• Let yourself daydream! Try out imaginary scenarios until you have a clear picture of your goals and desires. You’ll save a lot of time, effort, and grief by giving yourself permission to do this in your head before you attempt it in physical reality.

For more Square Two strategies, download the free Change Cycle guide or listen to the Bewildered episode: A Space for Dreaming.

RELATED PODCAST: A SPACE FOR DREAMING

Square Three: The Hero’s Saga

Square Three is the implementation stage of the Change Cycle process, what Martha calls the “Hero’s Saga,” after the work of Joseph Campbell.

When you reach Square Three you’ll feel emboldened to do real, physical, courageous things to build a new life. And then… (drum roll, please)… you’ll fail. Repeatedly.

Re-forming your life—like anything new, complex, and important—inevitably brings up problems you didn’t expect. That’s why it helps to remember this when you’re in Square Three:

• Expect things to go wrong. It’s not a “sign” that your dream “just wasn’t meant to be.” It’s a setback you can learn from. You must be willing to keep working toward your dream even when your initial efforts are unsuccessful.

To get more Square Three guidance for your own hero’s journey, download the free Change Cycle guide or listen to the Bewildered episode: Wild Horses.

RELATED PODCAST: WILD HORSES

Square Four: The Promised Land

Square Four is what Martha calls “The Promised Land”—it’s the payoff; the harvest; the time when your new identity is fully formed and able to fly. Congratulations!

The strategies that optimize this situation are about fine-tuning, not drastic transformation. Here is just one strategy:

• Enjoy and keep tweaking! You’ve just negotiated a scary and dramatic transformation, and you deserve to savor your new identity. Stay flexible so that you can continue to respond to shifting conditions.

For more Square Four strategies, including how to be ready to move on to Square One again, download the free Change Cycle guide. You can also listen to “Beauty That Moves,” the Square Four-focused episode of Martha’s Bewildered podcast.

RELATED PODCAST: BEAUTY THAT MOVES