Coaches trained in our Wayfinder Life Coach program are just excellent in every way. This is because the most empathic and magical people tend to find their way to this training. It’s also because our program is the gold standard and sends world-class coaches into the world.

It must be said, though, that not all coaches are created equal. So as you read through this list, think of all the people YOU could help by being unlike these fictional life coaches!

#1 Tequila will fix that.

It’s just generally good manners not to offer addictive substances in a coaching situation. (Grab a pencil if you need to take notes.)

#2 Thank God you’re here. I’ve been so lonely.

We get it: it’s hard being lonely. But we life coaches avoid putting our energy anywhere but on the client; as Martha likes to say, “Show up to give attention, not to get attention.”

#3 Sorry, babe, you’re too far gone.

As well as being a fast way to lose a client, this statement goes against all that you, as a Wayfinder, already know. None of us is ever finished growing, healing and thriving…as everyone who’s been through our training knows from experience.

#4 Let’s talk about your bowel movements.

Life is so rich with facets, isn’t it? We know it can be difficult sometimes as a LIFE coach to understand the limits of your jurisdiction. But I’ll break this one down for you: in the Martha Beck system, we advise against any discussion of bodily functions unless strictly relevant.

#5 We need to prepare for the coming of our new overlords.

Stay on task, coach! Overlords or no, it’s all about the client, remember?

#6 Stop crying, start winning!

It’s true: there are coaching traditions that sound a little like this. That’s not our style. We believe you’re “winning” when you’re in touch with the inner knowing that’s yours and only yours, and which will steer you faithfully into your best life.

#7 I’m beginning to think your parents were right about you.

No one’s parents are right about them. Say it with me: no one’s parents are right about them.

#8 There’s nothing wrong with you that a little plastic surgery can’t fix.

Yeah. Nah.

#9 I can see in your eyes that you come from the faerie people.

Even if it’s true, guys, refrain from saying it. Just trust me on this one.

#10 That reminds me of something Oprah said to me once.

If you’re Martha, you might get away with this. Though if you’re Martha, you probably wouldn’t say it. Paradox!

#11 You, you, you! Why don’t we ever talk about ME?

See above, regarding showing up to give attention.

#12 I recommend you get a LOT more cats.

Believe me, this client has enough cats already. More than enough.

#13 I recommend you get a LOT more tattoos.

We all know that guy who regrets the tat his friends thought would be “dope,” right? Don’t bring the wrath of God down on you; don’t get involved in tattoo decisions. The training will show you so many neat tools that will help your clients decide on the tattoo issue by themselves. Perfect.

#14 Have you seen “Thelma and Louise”? Consider that your guidebook from here on out.

Any works of art that feature characters driving off the edge of the Grand Canyon in a Ford Thunderbird just aren’t great models for your coaching clients. If you’re not sure why, please register for Wayfinder training immediately. If you are sure why, please register for Wayfinder training immediately!

#15 Have you tried eating your feelings?

She has tried. That’s why she’s here.

#16 Not sure the overhead compartment can hold all of your emotional baggage. HA! Get it?

Just because it’s a good line doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to say it. You know this. But damn, it’s a good line. Take it to the next Martha Beck Coaches’ Summit and try it out on your friends.

#17 Yikes. Good luck with that.

We aim to help our clients empower themselves to live the life they were born for. We don’t solve their problems; we teach them to free themselves from the thoughts and beliefs that are making them unhappy. But we do help!

#18 I’m definitely gonna need a nap after this.

There are probably clients who would take this as a badge of honor! But let’s avoid it, eh? Just to be on the safe side?

#19 Have you tried just being happier?

He has tried! That’s why he’s here.

#20 Ask yourself, “What would a Kardashian do?”

There are times in life when the Kardashians can and must be our guides. That’s just basic logic. However, it’s not an approach we teach in Martha Beck’s Wayfinder Life Coach Training. Why? Because we have better ways! Better than the Kardashians? Yes, my sweet poppet. Even better.

Want to find out? Sign up for the final Wayfinder Life Coach Training for 2018 and get:

• Eight months of rapid and revolutionary personal growth. You’ll learn the coaching tools by practicing them on yourself and in groups: this is transformative.
• A tight-knit community of people like you, people who get you, people who care about what you care about, people who laugh at what you laugh at.
• Hilarious classes with Martha, both recorded and live, that will blow your mind while you eat popcorn and enjoy the ride.
• A solid set of tools that will see you sailing into a coaching career, if you want one, with confidence and grace.
• Training in 21st-century entrepreneurship: we won’t leave you out in the cold.

If you’re ready to change your life, come join the tribe.