The Blobfish is a creature made of gelatinous tissue that allows it to float around the deep ocean floor, compensating for near-total lack of muscle by being totally nondiscriminating in its eating habits. Sound like you? Quelle coincidence! You and I have the same totem animal this month!

Blobfish energy is flaccid, weak-willed, and…I don’t know, whatever. When Blobfish floops and plurbles up through the plumbing of your subconscious and into the toilet bowl of your conscious attention, it’s time to relinquish all resolve, put on your bathrobe, and eat every last bit of pudding in the fridge.  If you can’t find pudding, eat…you know, whatever.

Call on Blobfish for help when you feel too energized, focused, and successful, which is just annoying to the rest of us. Blobfish will drag you right back down to a place where you inspire no envy or competition, where you can spend entire weekends just gloomily watching your thighs age. Then, like me, you can pass along to the world the ringing message at the core of your life:  Um…like, you know, whatever.