Take a look at your teeth. If they resemble those of the pacu fish, pictured here, the pacu just might be your animal totem!

    The pacu played a starring role in an episode of River Monsters, a television program featuring intrepid angler Jeremy Wade. The aptly-named-Wade went right into bodies of water in Papua New Guinea where the pacu is found, despite the rumor that this fish lives by biting nuts it finds floating on the water. Any nuts, if you catch my drift. Yes, the pacu, also known as the “ball cutter,” is said to accidentally geld men who, for some reason, feel they have no other option but to wash their nuts in the streams of Papua New Guinea. I mean almonds, of course. Or hazelnuts. Get your mind out of the gutter. There are pacu in there.

    Anyway, the pacu carries the energy of social misdeeds ranging from slight gaffes to severe faux pas. If pacu is your totem, in addition to enjoying questionable dental hygiene, you may blow your nose into a formal tablecloth, shout in baby talk at anyone with an accent, bring ham as a bar mitzvah gift, or all three at once! Pacu energy is clumsy, oblivious, and boorish, the kind of vibe that makes people cringe so hard they might puncture a lung. Call on your pacu totem to help you offend your in-laws so severely you’ll never have to share a meal with them again, or to get rid of annoying “friends.” When a neighbor extends the hand of fellowship, or the pope offers his ring for you to kiss, bite down hard. And then politely ask them if they would like you to help them wash their nuts.