Martha’s blog

Set it Free

Sonya was stuck. Every time she came in for a session, she seemed more inextricably wedged into a life she hated. It wasn’t that she lacked means: Born to wealth and privilege, Sonya had beauty, education, and the talent to become what she’d longed to be—a songwriter. But she couldn’t take the steps that would make her dreams a reality.”It’s just too hard,” Sonya sighed during one session. “I’m stuck in the life my parents want for me. I’ll marry a rich man, have 1.7 kids, do what I’m told. I’m trapped. Completely trapped.”

I couldn’t help comparing Sonya’s comments [...]

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Victory by Surrender

Think of a problem that has plagued you for a long time—your weight, a loved one’s bad habits, fear of terrorism, whatever. No doubt you’ve tried valiantly to control this issue, but are your efforts working? The answer has to be no; otherwise you would have solved the problem long ago. What if your real trouble isn’t the issue you brood about so compulsively, but the brooding itself?

Psychologists who subscribe to a form of therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) call “clean” pain what we feel when something hurtful happens to us. “Dirty” pain is the result of [...]

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Taking the Blame

It’s a scene we’ve watched a hundred times: A public figure glares into the camera with an expression of outraged innocence and declares, “I am not a crook!” or “It was dehydration, not a drug overdose!” or “I have never had an affair!” Most of us in the viewing audience used to give these folks the benefit of the doubt, but not anymore. We’ve grown jaded watching a succession of well-known people make bold disclaimers that later proved to be flat-out falsehoods.

Of course, this always makes me conscious of my own weasel-ish tendencies. It’s so easy to commit the [...]

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Zero Attachment, Zero Anxiety

I have put myself on a very strict health regimen this summer. It has nothing to do with eating or exercise; it is a thought/emotion regimen, which, in the end, has many more concrete results than any physical diet one could undertake. My program is the “zero attachment, zero anxiety” diet. Mind you, shooting for no anxiety or attachment at all is extremely ambitious, and not something I would have undertaken five or even two years ago. It was only after twenty-some years of meditation and daily “mental hygiene” (noticing and dissolving all thoughts that cause suffering) that it even occurred [...]

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The Way of Integrity is Almost Here
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