Yes? No? Maybe? How to Make Decisions

“I’ve got to commit to this relationship or end it,” said Tessa, sounding a little desperate. “I can’t go one more day without making the decision.” It was clear that she really meant this…just as she had the first time I heard her say it, eight years earlier.

Tessa is prone to ambivalence, a torturous condition that simultaneously pulls and crushes us between incompatible alternatives. Though it can make us say laughably absurd things (“I’ve known for eight years that this can’t go on one more day!”), ambivalence feels anything but funny. If you tend toward indecision or face a [...]

Make Your Own Pocket Eden

I’ve written a lot of delirious prose about my experiences in Africa, and in my new home where the back yard is a national forest. If I could, I would take everyone to these gorgeous places that restore my spirit. It frustrates me that I can’t. Recently, however, I’ve found a spot as wondrous and magical as any safari I’ve ever taken—and this one you can replicate, if you want. I highly recommend it.

Here’s what I did: I put a bird feeder and a little fountain outside my bedroom window. I face that window when I meditate. While I’m [...]

Lame Animal Totem: Skunked Dog

This month’s lame animal totem is the Skunked Dog.  This is a unique animal, a phenomenon that occurs when two ordinary totems, Skunk and Dog, meet and form an altogether different spirit animal. The Skunked Dog represents flagrantly self-destructive stupidity, intrusiveness, and the inability to imagine the consequences of reckless behavior. Its energy is morose, whiny, unrepentant, and disgusting.

When a Skunked Dog enters your life, it is a sign that you should close all your doors and windows. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR. CLOSE THE DOORS AND WINDOWS. The aroma of the Skunked Dog will pervade any area that [...]

How to Deal with Your Darkest Secrets

As a registered nurse, Jamie often finds herself keeping other people’s secrets. Most of the time, this doesn’t bother her; she empathizes with patients who conceal a scary diagnosis. But recently, Jamie found herself holding a couple of secrets that didn’t rest so easily.

Both came from her coworkers. When a nurse named Esther bungled some paperwork, she confessed to Jamie that she was dyslexic. The other secret was much more upsetting: Susan, a hospital secretary, told Jamie that a popular surgeon (I’ll call him Dr. McCreepy) had been pursuing her sexually. He’d done outrageous things, like asking Susan to [...]

Lame Animal Totem: Chicken

Chicken energy comes to teach you how to scratch more, obsess about your position in social hierarchies, fight for dirt-encrusted corn kernels, and die young. If you encounter Chicken in your daily life, you should probably be taking growth hormones. Then Chicken will teach you to fight for dominance when alarmed, and spend the rest of your time brooding. People whose totem is the Chicken should expect to have their creations stolen from them on a regular basis.

Periodically I’ll be sharing the animal totems you wish you knew more about: the marginalized, the disrespected, nay I say, the lame. [...]

Joy to the Boy


I started my career back in the 90s writing about the way social change was tearing women apart. Twenty years later, I think women have made huge strides toward an altogether new way of viewing themselves and moving through the world. Our wonderful tribe of coaches is made up almost entirely of women who have found ways to be true to themselves no matter what society tells them.

Now, it’s time for our boys.

Even when I was researching the crisis of role stress for women, I could see what was coming for men: while [...]

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