Pamela Slim

I promised to report back today on the success of my 4-day win, which I shared earlier this week in Death to procrastination:  Use the 4-day win to get your goals moving.  I encouraged readers to share their own goals and we got some specific examples from Mike, Andy, Latarsha, Rosalind, Billionaire Strategies, Glenda, Kizla, Jan Marie and Judy (see comments on the original post). 

My 4-day win involved working on a book proposal, a task I have tried to accomplish in the past (without success, and with great consternation).  My specific goals and rewards are in this worksheet (click to enlarge):

Here are three lessons I learned from the experience:

1. It makes a HUGE difference to set a small, feasible goal each day. 
   I have a classic case of what Martha describes as "monkey brain," skittering from one bright shiny object to the next when I have loads of work to do.  But with a very small, specific task to accomplish each day, I had no problem getting the work done.  I didn’t feel pressured or rebellious and actually accomplished much more than my daily goal.  My thoughts flowed, and I didn’t exhibit usual signs of stress like a pounding heart, tight throat or pressure at my temples.
2. A daily reward really works.
   I have had a lot of writing projects lately, and have been wanting to work on a very personal post about immigration, using photos of a farming family I stayed with in Mexico over 20 years ago. All the photos were in slide format, and I recently had them scanned into digital photographs.  Even though I was dying to look at the photos, I made myself wait until I accomplished my daily task.  The anticipation really built up and heightened the enjoyment of the reward.  Opening up each photo, I actually got tears in my eyes from connecting to such an important part of my past. It was a wonderful emotion to associate with my book proposal.
3. When you accomplish small wins, you can stop and relax instead of living in a constant state of stress and dread.  I have been an "all or nothing" kind of gal for some important projects in the past, either whittling away hours and hours on small, insignificant tasks to avoid a big project or pounding away at the keyboard for hours on end up to the last second of a deadline.  I noticed it is much more stressful to avoid a task rather than to do a small portion of it.  When I accomplished my daily goal, I was able to step away from work and truly relax, which energized me for the next day.

The 4-day win really worked for me.  I am excited about incorporating it into my life and sharing it with my clients.

Alright Mike, Andy, Latarsha, Rosalind, Billionaire Strategies, Glenda, Kizla, Jan Marie and Judy, how did it work for you?

It has been 15 days since dawn of the New Year and you may be like me:  running around like a rabbit on a 5-shot latte, skittering between the computer keyboard, stacks of books and piles of paper. At this point in the calendar, one of two things usually happens:

1. You power through your goals and objectives, meeting timelines like a well-oiled Swiss train, confident that this year, like last, you will keep your word and complete all your resolutions
2. You look at the piles on your desk, pinch the roll of fat at your waist, stare at the blank page on your computer screen and say:  "LOSER!  Once again, you have proven that you have less initiative than a slug in a salt factory.  Now go shove some cookies in your mouth, PRONTO!"

By making your goals broad and far-reaching, you guarantee that they will be immediately sabotaged by your inner meanie. 

What’s the alternative?

Instead of beating yourself up, try a 4-day win, which hails from Martha’s book of the same name. The focus of the book is losing weight, but the tool can be applied to any goal or project. 

What is a 4-day win?

A 4-day win is a simple method for breaking large, overwhelming goals into comfortable, bite-sized pieces that are accomplished over a four-day period and anchored with rewards to encourage positive behavior. 

Once you complete a 4-day win, you take your buzz of accomplishment and create another one.  And another, stringing them together until they become your finished book, or hot body or whatever else you are trying to manifest.

(It reminds me of one of my favorite cartoons which shows a frantic man in the shower with suds on his head screaming "Honey, get me out of here!  The label says ‘Lather, rinse, repeat!’")

Why four days?

According to Martha:

"When I started exploiting this little bit of psychological numeracy in my coaching, I found that people who had trouble starting a week-long program of change jumped right in if I asked them to sustain a new behavior for just 4 days.  I also discovered that after the 4 days, the inertia that had been keeping them locked into a pattern of action-or inaction-had changed and was now actually pushing them forward.  Even though I specified that they were free to step making a change after the 4-day period, they often said they’d rather continue, because they’d already blasted through the initial resistance and were starting to see positive change.  This happened with so many clients that I started to call it "the 4-day win."

How do you construct a 4-day win?

Step 1: Pick a goal

Look at your to-do list and pick a juicy goal such as:

• Write a book proposal
• Create a website
• Lose 10 pounds
• Cook more nutritious meals for your family

From this goal, choose a task that you would like to accomplish in one day.  Example: 

• Write a book proposal → write the first two pages
• Create a website → design the layout of the home page
• Lose 10 pounds→exercise for 30 minutes
• Cook more nutritious meals for your family → cook a meal using all organic ingredients

Step 2: Play halvsies until your goal is ridiculously easy to attain

We start out with what we think are realistic goals, but most of the time they are not, otherwise, we wouldn’t struggle to complete them.  So take your goal from Step 1 and halve it until you know with confidence that you can actually get it done.  Example:

• Write a book proposal→ write the first two pages→write one paragraph
• Create a website → design the layout of the home page→choose three colors for your design
• Lose 10 pounds→exercise for 30 minutes→do 10 squats
• Cook more nutritious meals for your family → cook a meal using all organic ingredients→add an organic carrot stick to your plate of Kentucky Fried Chicken

Keep playing "halvsies" until the goal feels just South of totally realistic, and just North of so easy it is insulting.

Step 3: Identify a reward

For each daily accomplishment, choose a small reward that will make you happy. Something like:

• Play 20 minutes of Spider Solitaire, uninterrupted by toddlers or a nagging wife (my husband’s favorite)
• Read the new issue of People magazine in the bathtub (my favorite)
• Eat one piece of really good chocolate

Step 4:  Identify a 4-day reward

Think of an additional, slightly larger reward if you manage to keep your ridiculously easy goal for 4 days.  Depending on your budget and taste, this could be something like:

• A pedicure with an extra decal on your big toe
• A nice dinner at your favorite restaurant
• A hike on your favorite trail on Sunday, regardless of how many piles of laundry are sitting on the washing machine

Step 5:  Make sure the action and reward are linked

Martha says: 

"If you meet your ridiculously easy daily goals, you absolutely must give yourself the reward. Same with your 4-day goal.  You must also resist any temptation to give yourself the reward if you don’t meet your goals.  If you do all this and you still don’t take any action, reduce the task, increase the reward, or do both, until you start moving.”

Finally …

Fill out a sheet of paper with your own four day win just like the picture of mine here (click to enlarge):

Post it in at least three places:  Your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator door and your workspace.  Check off each day you manage to complete your ridiculously easy goals.

I am seriously going to do my 4-day win. 

If you are motivated by public accountability, write yours here in the comments.  Five days from now (January 20) I will post about how I did on mine and encourage you to do the same.

Final thoughts on the number 4

I couldn’t help but share some additional information on the significance of the number 4, courtesy of my distracted mind combined with Google:

The number 4 in the Tarot :

"Four is the number of manifestation and material reality. There are four elements, four sides of a square, four cardinal directions of a compass, four seasons, four winds, etc. It is a number of order, structure, power, and earthly dominion. Four is the number of the prototypical complete family: a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter."

The number 4 in Numerology :

"In the Jewish religion, the number four is significant because of the Tetragrammaton, the four-letter name of God which is so holy it is never spoken. In Chinese numerology (as well as that of other Oriental languages), the word "four" is a homonym of the Chinese word for "death". As thus, some hospitals do not have a 4th floor. 

So perhaps "death to procrastination" is more than a dramatic headline after all!

-Pam

—
Pamela Slim is a Martha Beck certified coach and author of Escape from Cubicle Nation

Seven years ago, my phone rang. It was my best friend Desiree calling who said:

"You ARE Martha Beck."

"What?" I replied, quite sure that I was still named Pam.

"Turn on Oprah.  There is this lady on right now called Martha Beck who is doing exactly what you should be doing with your life."

I watched the show and was intrigued by this "life coach" named Martha.  I rushed out to buy her book, Finding Your Own North Star.  I took a couple of her workshops.  I started a coaching business.  And today, as I gaze up at the URL over my head like Alice in the intro of The Brady Bunch, I see "marthabeck.com."

Weird?  Yes.  Random coincidence?  Absolutely not.

It is one small example of what happens when you listen to your inner voice (or that of a wise friend) and follow your North Star.  We all have an internal navigation system which points to our right life filled with meaningful work, good health, loving relationships and a nice fat bank account.

But somehow, for reasons ranging from wildly dysfunctional childhoods to rigid educational structures to crazy-making corporate environments, we fail to listen to this voice and get stuck thinking things like:

• I would rather commit Hara-kiri than spend one more day in my office
• My body is my enemy
• I am an imposter in my high-paying job and when they find out, they will fire me
• My family is right – I am the crazy uncle that will never get it together
• I have the mate-finding skills of Pamela Anderson
• I am drowning in debt and will never get out

The good news?  You are not alone and there is something you can do about it.

Through this miraculous field called life coaching, there are specific tools and exercises for clearing the gunk that gets in the way of your right life.  "Roto Rooter for the soul," as Martha is fond of saying.  These tools are not just touchy-feely mumbo jumbo, they are well-researched and tested and they work. 

Here on this blog, we want to share these tools, widely, so that you don’t have to stay stuck and unhappy for too long.  Wallowing in self-pity can be fun for awhile, but like relatives overstaying their welcome, it gets awkward, strained, uncomfortable and unhealthy.

The format of the blog is the following:

• I will write a couple of articles a month
• As we get on a roll, we will add tips and tools from other coaches and authors, including Martha
• We’ll spotlight Martha’s monthly columns in O Magazine
• We’ll introduce new content from Martha’s forthcoming book Steering by Starlight
• And we will delight in having conversations about these things with YOU, our dear readers, that will educate and inspire us all.

And just to clarify, since you obviously know by now that I am NOT Martha Beck, my name is Pamela Slim. I am a coach, writer and author of the Escape from Cubicle Nation blog.  Self-employed for 11 years, I spent 8 years consulting in the guts of Corporate America, in conference rooms and cubicle farms from San Francisco to New York.  While I enjoyed my work, I noticed that scores of people were walking around like the living dead, doing their best to pretend that everything was alright while secretly fantasizing about jumping on a desk, throwing a stapler at their boss and screaming a goodbye speech to rival that of Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. So I trained as a coach (with Martha) and now act as a kind of a modern-day, Web 2.0, Anglo suburban Harriet Tubman for corporate employees.

I look forward to getting to know each of you this year.  What fun!

Now it’s your turn:  What kinds of things are you dying to discuss on this blog?